I Run Because I Eat: Garden Problem...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Someone's little asshole cat keeps barfing on my patio. How do I discourage this activity?

My Language Defined

1. The issue of Sex. In order to be more gender inclusive I've decided to start referring to all unknown sexes (of insects, mammals, and maybe some people) as both male and female in the same sentence. So don't be confused when I say, for example, "She seems like a really nice guy," or "My husband is such a good wife."

2. Prepositions. I end my sentences with prepositions whenever I want because it is now grammatically acceptable to do so with. of. by. So get with the times.

3. Wordmakeupage. I make up words quite often. I'm an educator--I consider it my business to be creative and contribute to the development of the English language. If Homer Simpson can have "doh" added to the dictionary, I want to do the same.

4. Swearing. In my attempt to stop using foul language (that is probably upsetting my mother) I will occasionally steal a method I learned from 'The Fantastic Mr. Fox' --which is to replace all swear words with the word "cuss." (ie: I can't believe that little cusser ate all my cussing basil leaves. What the cuss!)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Garden Problem...

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