I Run Because I Eat: You've Got to be Kidding Me

Monday, November 1, 2010

Cuss!

Yesterday, since it was Halloween, I decided to be all cute and Martha Stewarty and make caramel apples using the apples off our tree. As I was picking I nearly grabbed the one thing capable of keeping me away from the garden forever, and it's only the size of a quarter...

This Guy:

I simultaneously gagged, hyperventilated and whined like a dog in distress as I took this picture...
1. Why doesn't it have a face? 2. Why does it have hair? 3. Or are those spikes? 4. Why is it in my tree? 5. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. 6. Cussing cuss cussity cusser.

My Language Defined

1. The issue of Sex. In order to be more gender inclusive I've decided to start referring to all unknown sexes (of insects, mammals, and maybe some people) as both male and female in the same sentence. So don't be confused when I say, for example, "She seems like a really nice guy," or "My husband is such a good wife."

2. Prepositions. I end my sentences with prepositions whenever I want because it is now grammatically acceptable to do so with. of. by. So get with the times.

3. Wordmakeupage. I make up words quite often. I'm an educator--I consider it my business to be creative and contribute to the development of the English language. If Homer Simpson can have "doh" added to the dictionary, I want to do the same.

4. Swearing. In my attempt to stop using foul language (that is probably upsetting my mother) I will occasionally steal a method I learned from 'The Fantastic Mr. Fox' --which is to replace all swear words with the word "cuss." (ie: I can't believe that little cusser ate all my cussing basil leaves. What the cuss!)